Know Thyself

Last night I sat talking to one of my friends about a recent fight with my S.O. It was a pretty big fight. We were supposed to be going away for the weekend to spend some time together. We were meeting in a resort town about an hour and a half from where we live, but I was late. Four hours late. Yeah. Pretty bad, right?

I didn't think he'd mind, I figured he'd be off goofing off, not missing me at all. It turns out, he was sitting in the room waiting for me. After trying in vain to reach me on my cellphone he finally got so pissed off he just hopped in his car and drove home. When I arrived he was gone. Then he called me and told me that our relationship was over. I was hysterical. My friend and his wife offered to come get me so I wouldn't have to drive all the way home by myself.

"Make sure you answer your phone," my friend said as they were leaving. "I know you."

But then, my S.O. called back and said he was coming back. For dinner. And to talk. I have never been so relieved in my life.

A few days later my friend decided that the best way to help would be to provide insight into my shortcomings (what are friends for, after all?) I must communicate better. I must keep my cellphone on so I'll know if someone is trying to find me. I must let my S.O. know where I am, even when I'm embarrassed to tell him that I'm late.

After a silence overtook the conversation, my friend asked about his shortcomings.

"You're arrogant," I told him. Of course, he denied it. "You know you are," I told him. "But I think it started out as a persona you adopted because you thought it would get you where you needed to be. These days, you don't think about it much any more."

He looked at me and smiled and, in that moment, I knew that he was relieved. Because it is a relief to be known.

γνῶθι σεαυτόν

A Little Bit of Me

Well, my office is cleaned out and all my things are in boxes in the garage. A friend was updating me on office news, telling me about how a co-worker decided to move into my old office from her much larger office.

"It was pretty funny, watching her try to fit all of her things into Malina's office," he said. Malina's office. It made me feel good that he still ascribed ownership of that office to me, even though I'm gone. It's good to be remembered when you're gone.

I brought the pictures that had hung on my office walls into the house I share with my significant other, and today I walked around looking for places to hang them. They are nice pictures, some of them original art from my native land, and hanging them up brought beauty and color to our house.

It struck me that the things that had hung on the walls in my office were more beautiful, so much nicer than what was otherwise displayed in my house. The atmosphere felt better after I hung them. It's hard to explain, but somehow the house felt cozier, homier, like there was more of me there.

That little bit of me had come home. And that made me wonder if perhaps the act of doing such a thing represented a refocusing of energy, myself. Perhaps I am turned toward this place I live now - my home - instead of toward my work or the outside world. Or maybe that's just ridiculous.