Whither thou goest...

Ruth 1:16. Ruth was always my favorite book of the Bible. It's a story of love and loyalty. Sticking together in tough times. And the most interesting thing, I always thought, was that it was a story of love and loyalty between two women: a mother and her daughter-in-law.

I'm sure you know the story, but in case you don't, a mother, Naomi, has moved far from her homeland to live with her husband, her two sons and the wives of the two sons. But tragedy strikes and all the men die. Naomi tells her two daughters-in-law that she is going to go home to try to find someone to take care of her in her old age and that the daughters should do the same. It's logical thinking. The two daughters-in-law are presumably young and can find a new husband. It will be more difficult for them to find a husband if they are burdened with an old woman to feed.

One leaves. One doesn't. Ruth draws herself up and begs her mother-in-law to let her stay. Thus is born one of the greatest love stories of all time.

So, what does "wither thou goest, wilt I go" mean? The other night I had a happy hour at work. I went for an hour and then left to go to physical therapy. I got home around 9pm. My husband was nowhere to be found. Then I received an email from my boss's husband: "Meet for dinner at Olive Garden." Heh? I emailed him back asking "When? Now? By the way, is my husband with you? He's missing."

The next morning my boss stopped by my office to tell me that her husband was very upset to receive this email. He felt that he had somehow interfered in our marriage, or waylaid my husband without my knowledge. My boss was telling me that she had tried to explain to her husband how our relationships were different. She had married young and she and her husband always knew where the other was. I got married much older and my husband and I had spent years living on our own without having to account to anyone for our whereabouts.

And that made me stop and think. My husband and I do have a very independent relationship. We have a joint account, but we also keep our own separate, private accounts. I suppose he could be out purchasing the services of hired companions and I wouldn't know about it (at least, not from the credit card statement). Generally, speaking, I don't tend to start wondering where he is until about 10pm on a work night. My job requires a lot of hours and there are also frequently networking events that I attend. I don't want to have to keep my husband abreast of every appointment I have and so we essentially have an understanding that I'll come home as early as I can. If I'm going to be at the office really late, I'll call and let him know.

My boss and her husband go everywhere together. They work blocks away from each other and carpool to work. They accompany each other on business trips (I can't think of a single example of her mentioning that her husband is out of town without her, or vice versa). They frequently meet for lunch. I think she's right about the different life circumstances. When you're a kid, your parents generally want to know where you are. It would make sense that young married adults would treat each other similarly. I think I would scream if I had to account to my husband all the time for my whereabouts. Actually, I don't think I could manage it. It just wouldn't occur to me to call him up and tell him that I'm heading to a meeting after work.

Perhaps their way is better? Maybe my husband and I should keep each other on shorter leashes? They have been married for a long, long time. I've only been married for a little over a year. What do I know? Perhaps I will change my ways if and when we have children. I can imagine being peeved at being left home alone to care for a kid not knowing where my husband was. If he's out gallavanting, I'd probably want to be gallavanting too. So maybe this is all a moot point. Or maybe we're heading toward a divorce. I guess time will tell.