No one knows this more than me...

One of my favorite Norah Jones songs begins:

Summer days are gone too soon
you shoot the moon
and miss completely...

I certainly can relate to that sentiment. It also reminds me of a quote my seventh grade English teacher was particularly fond of. I can't recall who said it or the precise wording but it was something to the effect of "Our feet may be stuck in the mud but we still can see the stars."

I am melancholy again today. I continue to struggle with how to deal with the process of becoming a married woman. I am extremely frightened to make the change from single person to married person. I think that such a fundamental change in identity is taken rather lightly by our society, the focus instead being on things like white dresses and table settings. I mean, really, how many articles are out the about The Dress? Who cares about The Dress when what's looming is a commitment so big that I have trouble grasping the concept?

Which reminds me of another quote (I guess I'm on a quote kick today):

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another.

And so I am going through the difficult process of turning myself inward to my home and my relationship, forsaking all others. It's funny, I always thought it was a bit extreme to include a term like that in a wedding ceremony; it sounds like an expectation that you turn your back on your family and loved ones. I've come to discover that's not entirely what's meant and that, to some degree, there is a level of forsaking all others even while you keep close those you love.

I have come to this realization in a close examination of my life. But doing that - forsaking all others - has proven to be emotionally difficult. Which means loss. And grief. And mourning.

I know it's right but that sure doesn't make it easy.